meltdown

these meltdowns can be so cute to the eyes, but not always to the ears.

a simple prayer

aj had his biggest "blow out" today. the poop was coming out of his diaper near the belly button, both legs, and the back. i did not know such was possible in a 6 1/2 week old baby. a precious baby. i have always been known to have a strong stomach and be able to talk about and see anything at anytime. not recently.

my prayers during this cleanup where hard core. stuff was in my throat, but aj no longer has poopie on him. there are tons of prayers that i whisper with aj everyday from"get me through this poopie" to "i pray he be such a Godly man". never has my prayer life been more different than with aj's birth, and i have a feeling it is going to continue to change. just thought i would share this simple prayer with you today.

(the picture above is aj praising Jesus in his sleep. my prayers are already working.)

i know. i know. i am terrible at this blogging stuff. i remember when adam mentioned starting the blog for the delivery. my first thought was "oh, no, then i will have to keep it up". i love looking at other people's blog, but did not want to become one of "them". who would want to read our blog?
here we are with a blog and i loved the blog in the beginning when adam wrote. i still love the blog, just a little less. i just do not know what to do in writing. my friends come up with these great stories. my day is the same. feed, pump, nap, and repeat. i know things will get more interesting as aj ages. each day does include aj doing something new; focusing longer on my face, smiling more on cue, bigger poopie diaper, etc. so, all this to say, i am sorry at being bad at the blogging. i will try harder.

aj has been great this week. his little personality is already coming out in his grunting and hand motions when he is trying to get his point across. there is this feeling in me that he might have his dad's strong willed personality. oh fun!

aj had his first playdate with little dylan (almost 10 months) on wednesday. he was struck by her beauty that all he did was stare at her the whole time. i enjoyed having tays and dylan here, b/c i was able to talk in something other than baby babble and drill tays on her baby knowledge.

then, i was out of the house on thursday morning and friday morning without aj. i feel like i was in a daze the entire time thinking about my baby at home, but enjoying some freedom. will i ever feel like i did not just leave my heart at home when aj is not with me. ( i do miss my husband when not together. though, it is not the same.)

all day saturday, i kept thinking about how much differently the day with snow would have been if aj was just a little older. we would have been out there in the snow making memories. that is the kind of mom i want to be everyday. i want to be the kind of mom that goes off the beaten path to make memories with my kids. i feel like i had a very blessed childhood with a mom and dad that took the extra moment to make a memory with me and my sisters. pray that adam and i will be the same. great memories.

please tell me other new moms do these things. i am still not wanting to leave aj out of my site during the day when he is awake. it is like i just know he is going to get up and walk into some trouble when i am not looking. so, i come up with these crazy things and places to put aj. the above is one of them (yes, that is his playpen in the background. it was not good enough b/c i could not see his face from where i was.).
on to the moment of truth... i did it. good thing i wrote on the blog last night that i wanted aj to try his room(or me to try his room). aj would not have been in his room had it not been for me to keep my word. he went to his bed after bottle and falling asleep on daddy. then he stayed all night in that room far away or 20 feet. so, i do not know if i slept better with him at the foot of my bed or in his room. i do know that i felt very accomplished this morning.

the sun needs to shine and the cold wind needs to stop blowing. aj and i can not wait to go outside and take some more walks. maybe in a few days.
much love

psalm139:13

sunday is the day of official napping at the cantrell's household. adam was forced to take a nap every sunday when he was a kid, and his body expects one every week. the tradition has moved into our marrriage. the only problem with this these days is that it looks like my place in adam's arms has been taken by sweet aj. i will have to do something about this...

aj discovered his hands today. he has been trying for weeks to get them in his mouth, and today he did it a few times. i know b/c i heard and saw the sucking for several seconds. it is so cute. i love him more and more everyday and feel more and more like a mom everyday. thank you jesus.

i found this verse, psalm 139:13, on the cfhusband website. it was just the verse i have been needing to hold onto. "For You created my inmost being; You knit me together in my mother's womb." as many of you know, i have been having a hard time letting go of my sweet baby and trusting the Lord with him. trusting in everything from how my baby will get his food, to what if he gets sick, to how do i pray for this boy's life and myself as his mom, to what if this and that... I know i have to let go and trust that my baby is not mine, but the Lord's first. and only the Lord knows the best for aj, especially, what each day will bring. i need his strength to chill out.

today has been the first day that i have trully been able to release a bit of all that i am holding onto to the Lord. it is freeing! (so freeing, that aj will be starting his nightime in his real bedroom. i can not say how i will do overnight, therefore, i write"starting") i know that i have so much to learn in this area, as i am just touching the surface in all the Lord wants to teach me. today was a good start at relaxing with the motherhood thing. i just pray my husband can be patient with me as i discover this out. and all you sweet friends. and aj.

for the prayer warriors out there... Rock(my dad) is in Korea for working matters.pray for productivity and safety. thank you

a precious blogspot

last night i was searching blogspots of friends of friends, and found this amazing man. his wife has Cystic Fibrosis, and just delivered a baby girl at 24 weeks as she is fighting for her life. their journey has touched my heart and i will be praying for them. just thought you might want to take a look and pray with them as well. i was challenged in my faith by reading their story and i know you will be too! go to www.cfhusband.blogspot.com

(today was good as i am learning that Aj DOES have a fussy period around 7pm, and just in time for Adam's arrival. my friend Tay's encouraged me to simply love on him and let it run it's course. who knows how long this will last.)

i have the most advanced baby ever! he is very much into pushing up and holding his head up. it keeps catching us off guard, b/c he used to just lay there and head stayed in one place. this active baby is so fun and keeps us jumping to catch him moving in our arms. i caught Aj hanging out on Adam's chest tonight after a full belly and had to share.

one month and one day

this is picture of mommy trying to capture first smile. mommy was a little slow. but you can see the end of a smile.

today was such a blessing to my sweet soul. today was a day to celebrate my new motherhood (rather than yesterday). sweet Aj smiled at me two times for a long time. yes, they were real smiles to my face. he was not sleeping or dreaming. i was simply changing Aj and talking really close to his face, and then he broke into a smile as i began to cry. Aj (and the Lord) knew i needed a smile. love.
more blessings today came with visits to the house... Aunt Cayce, Ms. Heather, and Aunt tt. their visits were heart warming. a million questions were asked by myself and Aj to these beautiful mothers with such experience. ( i also drilled Wanda Stidham and Crazy Deb from work when they visited the day before)they all made me feel very normal and greatly encouraged me in ways they will never know. thank you girls.
Ms. Heather brought her girly girl, Annie. Annie made Aj blush by sharing her dollie, blankie, and another blanket. she laid them ALL on Aj while he was in the swing. so precious. i love Annie so much.
thank you so much to all those praying for my new family. i trully felt the Lord's presence today (as i should every day) in everything i did (even when i got up at 4 am to feed Aj after an "interesting" discussion with my husband). i do have to say that the great weather has helped my hormones. who knows what will come tomorrow.

this is one of my future babysitters, Meagan. she was a natural with Aj and he took very well to her. she held him so well that Aj was dreaming in her arms. mommy Wanda did a good job too!
(i am new to blogging and forgot to turn picture before posting. sorry)look closely and find Annie, dollie, blankie, and pink blanket. Aj would have made a beautiful girl, but Orantes Grant would definately not have worked for the name.

one more note...everyone needs to go to Heather's blogspot to read about her morning as a mom. Annie gave her mom a story to tell. www.hheaton.blogspot.com just picture that innocent face above.

one month

today is my sweet baby's one month birthday. Aj is so precious and
gorgeous and... i just want to stare at him and kiss his little
cheeks all day long. this month has flown by, and i only hear the
years go faster and faster. sad. how do i remember all these
moments?
i feel like i can not even put into words all my thoughts and feelings
on this whole motherhood thing. maybe i still have hormone
levels out of whack, but i can not grasp my emotions.
people ask me "isn't it just the greatest thing", and "aren't
you just so happy". yes and yes, but no and no. this stuff is
hard. and it is even harder when you get started off by
having to put your baby into the NICU. your self-confidence
goes into the toilet. all the knowledge from those great books
you read make no sense.
my entire life has changed for the better and i would not want
anything different. i am just filled with this new love that takes
my breath away and knocks me down. trying to get back up
is the part where i need to make sense of the thoughts and
feelings. and that is where i am trying to run to my heavenly
father and ask Him to pick me back up and give me the
confidence I need in Him to be the best mother and wife i can
be.
this is the summary of my first month. pray next month comes
with hormone levels back to normal.
happy birthday sweet Aj.

my turn

My sweet husband has been great at managing the blog of our precious baby boy's first days of life. But, I do have to say that it has been very "boyish" and I am ready to "girlify" it a bit. You may not see me calling him Little O and O daddy for a while, b/c I did win the poll and must take advantage of my win. AJ is a beautiful name and must be used. (Orantes Grant, you do have a beautiful name as well. It is just not my baby's REAL name. Sorry)

I also have to say that you will be seeing more pictures. I have to admit that I go look at other people's blog's and just look for pictures (not you tays or heather. i do care what your thoughts are.)Others must do the same thing. So, to start, I have added some pictures my friend tays took the other day. We needed something on this blog without AJ being in a UGA something or other and these bring my "girlifyness" to the site.

Many have asked how the feeding is going, as my sweet husband asked for prayers a few weeks ago. I do not have much to say, but that it is at a standstill. AJ is obviously eating, pooping, and peeing. But,not eating the way I would wish for him. At the moment, he drinks formula and expressed milk from a bottle. We will leave the comments to that for the moment. I keep working with him everyday, and I feel that one day he will just latch on and everything will be great. Keep praying till then. Thank God I do have a healthy boy that is thriving.

Thank you Adam for keeping this blog the way you have been over the past four weeks. (MY BABY IS 4 WEEKS OLD TOMORROW. WOW.) You have done a marvelous job at telling the world about our journey with AJ so far. I love you so much more than I ever have and thank God it is with YOU I can share this journey.

You all will have to be patient with me as I learn which direction to take this blog. I do not want people to get tired of me bragging about my sweet baby or something to that effect. Maybe, I will use this as a reflective place for me to release all my different thoughts and feelings as a new mom or as a get to know the Cantrells site. I have no idea. We will see what happens.Bye Bye for tonight.

Passing the Torch

I have obviously not done a lot on the blog lately and (for any of you who are still keeping up) I apologize. I am passing the torch to my wife after this post...so you can blame her if it does not stay updated...although I might be adding to it from time to time. I am going back to work tomorrow and neither Erin nor I are real happy about it. We have gotten the little man onto a bit of a schedule though, as O-daddy is going down around 9:30....crying for about 45 minutes...and then sleeping until about 5. I will continue to get up with him at 5ish and then just stay up for school....and let Erin begin the life of being a stay-at-home mom.

We had a good time last night getting O-Dawg all dressed up for the game (see pics above) and then watching the game with him for a bit before it was bedtime. Erin went to sleep shortly after he did...although she felt bad leaving me to watch the game by myself...so she slept in the chair with me while the game finished up. It was a long game....but if you are a Dawg fan...it was very enjoyable. It will be fun to tell Little O about the game as he grows up...and I have it on DVR to show him sometime when he is old enough to know what is going on. Anyway, pray for us as we transition into school mode tomorrow and the next day. At least its a short week before another break. Next week will likely be the real test.

You might also notice that the "name poll" is no longer available to be seen. Based on Rock's recommendation I ran it again...but the results were not much better...although it was closer to 50/50 this time. Thanks to all of you who voted the second time.